Did you know that February 11 is National Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day?  Neither did we.  And if you want to go down a rabbit hole, try searching for the origins of this unique nationally recognized (if not regularly observed) holiday. 

We suggest that on Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day you take a minute to rethink whether and how you are having difficult conversations with your employees about the milk they spill.  (Mind you, if the spill is radioactive, you may be having a very different conversation!)  Here are five tips to consider before reacting to spilled milk:

• When an employee makes a spilled-milk error at work, are you addressing it (productively) right away?  That’s step one: address missteps collaboratively when they happen, so they can be learning opportunities, instead of crying over them in the privacy of your office or adding them to a long list of mistakes that find their way into a performance evaluation many months later.
  
• When you address the error, how much time are you spending looking backward, rather than looking forward toward resolving the issue in the future?   If your performance conversation focuses your energy on the fact that the employee spilled the milk, and telling the employee it can’t happen again and how they need to fix it, you are losing an opportunity for learning and growth and relationship.  What if instead you recognize that a misstep happened, and ask the employee for their observations on how the mistake happened?  And for their ideas on how that mistake can be avoided in the future?  Understand, this is not ignoring that a mistake happened or excusing it away, it is an opportunity for awareness and growth and accountability, in a forward looking way that is more likely to be met with collaboration instead of defensiveness or blame.
  
• When you have a conversation about the spilling of the milk, how much time do you spend talking instead of listening?  Again, rather than focusing on the spilling of the milk and your own thoughts on it, make sure you are giving the employee an opportunity to share and learn.  This is where learning and growth happens and mindful relationship can develop. 
  
• Are you allowing for space for the employee to share their thoughts?  Its okay to have quiet moments in which the employee can reflect and learn.  Maybe ask them some thought provoking questions like “what have you done in the past when something like this has happened?”  Or “how might I support you in the future to keep milk from being spilled?”
  
• Are you creating some kind of documentation of the conversation?  This could be as simple as sending yourself an email “spoke with Employee today about the spilled milk incident.  Their explanation was x, next time they will do y instead.”  Or even better, after you have a collaborative conversation about what needs to happen next time, ask the employee to send you an email summarizing what they plan to do differently next time!

We can’t ignore the spilled milk in the workplace.  And at the same time, nothing can be gained from simply crying over mistakes that happen.  If we don’t turn these mistakes into learning opportunities, we are squandering an opportunity for learning, growth and relationship. 

Curious to learn how to make your difficult conversations more pleasant and productive?  We can help! 

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